The Reality of New Year's Day

Happy New Year Everybody! 

I hope you all had a fantastic New Year’s Eve last night with your loved ones!

So here we are, we’ve made it to another year! 2018! I’ve got to admit, guys... every time the new year rolls around I have this false mentality that when I wake up the next morning things will “magically” feel new, refreshing, and just... well... I guess somehow better or different than the day before. 

(Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way.)

I suppose I’ve developed this kind of thinking solely because that’s just how the coming new year is always portrayed to us through the news, media and society as a whole. “Clean slate!” “Fresh start!” “New beginnings!” “Old is gone, the new is in!” (Which I totally get and there IS some truth to it all.)

It’s just that when I awake the next morning to a brand new year, expecting everything to somehow be “different” and instead find that everything is exactly the same as I left it when my head hit the pillow the night before, it’s hard to not get kind of bummed out about it, right? (Or again, maybe this is just me?) Wouldn’t it be nice if after every time the new year came around our worries/sickness/current struggles were somehow erased and the problems we once had the year before no longer existed or carried on to the next year? Boom! Clean slate! 

The reality that hit me this morning is: THIS is one of the many, (MANY) reasons why I need Jesus in my life. Jesus changes my perspective completely. I can have all these unrealistic, built-up expectations of what the next hour, day, month, year, and so on will be like only to be disappointed because none of it happened or things didn’t pan out as I was hoping it would. I had been placing my hope in all the wrong things and trying to take control of matters that I really have no business in trying to take control of. "Good morning Lord, thanks for the heart-check." 

I’ve learned that when I fix my eyes on Jesus, my heart immediately shifts gears from disappointment to gratitude. It’s then that I realize the very same blessings that I had when I laid my head down the night before, I still have. Stop for a second. << Let that sink in. >> Wow! 

Today IS a new day and God’s mercies are new every morning; great is HIS faithfulness! 

Only the Lord Himself is Sovereign and He alone has the power to make ALL THINGS new. Bringing the dead to life. Healing the hurting and sick. Turning the dull and mundane into beautiful. Making the broken whole again. Turning difficult circumstances into opportunities for us to grow in character and grow in our trust in Him. He Redeems that which we feel is unredeemable or “too far gone.” He makes the impossible oh so very possible. His love surpasses all, His wisdom, His provisions, His perfect peace - He surpasses anything and everything that this world could even try to offer us. 

In Him, we never come up short and His grace is always enough.

Jesus never disappoints; never fails and He gives us every reason to hold on to hope. Because hope is His middle name ... well not REALLY, but you get what I mean. I have all the hope I need for each day when I place all my concerns, worries and fears at His feet. And YOU have all the hope YOU need for each day too, when you place all things at the feet of Jesus. Surrendering every detail and tidbit.

So here’s the thing, friends. Yes, I may have woken up this morning (from a not-so-good night’s sleep) at an ungodly hour of 5:15am due to a very cranky toddler -AND- I may have rung in the new year with Sinusitis and an upper respiratory issue BUT ... God is still good. The Lord makes all things new. His timing is perfect and HE is in control! I have hope for each new day because I’ve got Jesus! 

And Jesus is all my heart will ever need. 

I’m choosing to walk through this new year with a thankful heart and a renewed perspective. 

(A hope-filled one!) No new 2018 “goals” or “resolutions” from me other than this; plain and simple: 

I need more of Jesus in my life and less of me. 

I’m alive, I can breathe (with some help from antibiotics, at this point in time) 

and I’ve got God on my side. 

I'd rather spend my time counting my blessings and then praying about my current struggles rather than just dwelling on them. 

That said, bring it on 2018, whether you feel old or new to me!  

Hit me with your best shot! 💪🏼

_________

"We have this hope as an anchor for our souls; firm and secure."

(Hebrews 6:19)

"And His Name will be the hope of all the world."

(Matthew 12:21)

"For nothing will be impossible with God." 

(Luke 1:37)

"He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

(Ecclesiastes 3:11)

__________

"Poetically Speaking"

Do you feel the pressure? Because I know I certainly do
The pressure from all sides to do (and be) as the world tells me to

Follow the trends; just go with the flow
Be this, have that, all caught up in the undertow

We keep filling our lives with all these meaningless things
in hopes that our hearts will be satisfied with anything n’ everything

The world around us is so broken, needing the true love of Jesus
No other remedy or cure to heal us or appease us

Through motherhood, I see life differently than I ever did before
I’ve learned about sacrifice, priorities and oh so much more

My son will learn more from me by watching what I do
My example’s a stronger teacher than my words, sticking to him like glue

I don’t have it all together or even pretend that I do
Because then all I’d be doing is flat out lying to you

I have my own struggles, insecurities and fears
Some I’ve gotten over and some have stuck with me through the years

No, I’m nowhere near a size 2 nor am I perfectly fit
I can’t fit into my old jeans, not even one bit

I’m not a perfect mom and I’m not a perfect wife
But I strive to do my best with what I’ve been given in this life

I don’t have any extra letters that go after my name
No large bank account, no fancy home, nor fame

I may not have wealth but I sure do have plenty,
I always have what I need, my heart’s full n’ never empty

 The fact of the matter is this: I’m incredibly flawed
despite my shortcomings, by grace through faith, I’m a child of God

I won’t evaluate myself anymore by the world’s measuring stick
And if I do, I’ll always come up short, feeling “less-than” and sick

But my life has a purpose and I know why I’m here
and it’s not about me, my achievements or career

It’s not about being #1 or being “the best”
It’s not about our “stuff” or how we have obtained success

I won’t be defined by numbers, “likes” or praise
or how many friends and followers I have to my name

I want to see myself the way that God sees me,
to tune out the enemy’s lies that consume me so easily

You see, my faith is what’s key, my faith makes me, ME
All I have, who I am is found in Jesus - my identity

He sees my worth, my heart and who Jenna really is,
He calls me “precious, loved, chosen” and “His”

Nothing in this world has satisfied my heart
in the way that Jesus has given me hope and a fresh start

This hope that I have, it’s firm and secure
Like an anchor for my soul, giving me strength to endure

So to be perfectly honest, I could get caught up in me
what I want, when and how – everything according to me it would be

But I refuse to take credit for any good seen in me
Because without Jesus I’d be lost, self-centered and mean

We need to stop obsessing over the need to compare
It’s just not healthy for us, we really shouldn’t care

Because we are all on a journey, uniquely designed for us,
to look and compare ourselves to others is far from “harmless”

When people see me, I hope they get a glimpse of Jesus
A reflection of His love, mercy and how He redeems us

I was bought at a price and the same goes for you too
Jesus died on the cross to save me from me and you from you

We are our own worst enemies; we feel constantly beat
We tear ourselves down, waving white flags of defeat

But the simple truth is this: we are never alone
Designed to do life with Jesus – heaven meant to be our home

But the choice is ours, it’s left entirely up to us
our decisions, priorities and where we place our trust

I was made for eternity not just what’s here and now
so until I’m called Home, to live purposefully, is my vow

My faith isn’t fantasy and this is more than “a religion”,
All I am, I owe to Jesus, every tid-bit and smidgen

Our value isn’t in our appearance, what we have or the dollars to our name
it’s about our character, integrity, and glorifying God in what we do and say

This life sure is unpredictable; filled with it’s highs and it’s lows
but my feet are planted firmly – God is good, this I know

I’m writing this all down, (more for me than for you)
in hopes that I’ll refocus and shift my thoughts to the truth

Life is so short and in the blink of an eye things can change in an instant
with a sweet hello or tragic goodbye

So I’ll press on in my faith walk, unafraid of learning or change
because life’s worth living when the Lord’s got your back
In Him, I remain    

 Written by Jenna De Los Santos 

"It Is Finished" - Good Friday Post

"We love because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

As I get older, with every year that passes, I am able to grasp and understand a bit more the true love and extreme sacrifice that Jesus made for me (and for us all) on the cross. I don't think I will ever be able to fully comprehend it all just because God is an unfathomable God; His ways are not my ways; they are far above my own ... that in and of itself is a VERY good thing.

As a Mom, I can't wrap my mind around the thought of ever giving up my one and only son, to die in the place of others; to take the penalty of all mankind's sin upon himself especially if my son had never once done any wrong in his life! Completely and 100% sinless. No fault found. Not even one bad thought. How unfair does that seem? Why would someone so pure and innocent take on such a massive burden? ... Unless... UNLESS driven by love and obedience to God's will. It was all part of God's perfect plan in saving us. Oh what love!

God gave us His one and only son in order to pay the price for our sin - which is death. Jesus took on our guilt and our shame and stood in our place; all the while paving the way so that we could have a "redemption story". The most beautiful love story that can ever be told. He provided a way out for us; giving us the opportunity (AND a choice, mind you) to live with Jesus in heaven for forever!  P.S.) This is a free gift. 
No coupon code necessary for this life-changing purchase. 

Knowing that God sent His only son, Jesus, to this earth to die the most painful, torturous death in all of history because He loves us THAT MUCH is mind-blowing. He longs for me/us to be in a personal relationship with Him. This is life-altering. It's not something I can have knowledge of and then not do anything with it. My life has changed for the better because of His great love and sacrifice. I want every aspect of my life to be centered around Him. I want to love Jesus the way that He loves me. (And I want to love others the way that He loves them.) How do I do that, though? How can I show Him that I love Him? 

I give Him my life, my trust, my heart, my obedience, my will, my plans, my desires, everything. He gave His life for me, so how can I not do the same for Him?

Sacrifice = True Love. True Love = Sacrifice. 

Any way you slice it or dice it, this is the truth. I know because I've experienced it for myself in my marriage, in my family, in my relationships and in my motherhood. I've learned that through giving of myself, my time, my resources, etc, for the ones I love, whatever that sacrifice may be, in order that they may gain something from my that sacrifice, that's how I show my sincere love and care for them.

In the same way, Jesus showed us just how much He loves and cares for us by His sacrifice. To the point of death. He looks at us all individually and says "You're worth it. You are mine. And I love you THIS much." He opened his arms up wide and showed us what true love looks like. He led by example, He always did. 

Although my heart breaks every time I think of His death on the cross in my place, I am able to live life to the fullest because I know that Sunday is coming... and Sunday means MY REDEEMER LIVES. I can face today. I can face tomorrow. I can face the unknown, I can do this life because Jesus conquered death. In Him I find hope, I find purpose and I find all that I will ever need in Him. I don't deserve a single one of the wonderful things God has done for me and my life. And I guess that's what does it for me, knowing that I'm unworthy ... and still ... He chooses to love me, care for me and be there for me. To be my constant. Never once abandoning me despite my shortcomings; instead loving me for who I am today and 

loving me too much to leave me the way I am.

Love. Sacrifice. Redemption. 

"What is faith if you never get to use it anyways?"

Life is crazy, isn't it? The ups and downs we go through; the struggles, the joys, the fears, the excitement. What do you do when the "going gets tough"? Who/what do you turn to? Where does your strength come from? Do you have hope that is secure despite life's circumstances? While you think on that, let me tell you a little story.

Our precious baby boy, Dominic Eli, is coming up on his 1st birthday,  and yes, it's taken me THIS LONG to type this up. It's about time I share something with you all that has shaped and molded me as a person. It's something that is a part of my life story now ... and, even more so, our son's story.

When I found out that I was pregnant back in June of 2014, the joy that swept over me and my husband was indescribable! We were going to have a BABY! We were going to be PARENTS! (Whoa!) It's a good thing that you have 9 months before a baby arrives because there's a lot to gear up for. Big (and I mean REALLY big) changes were ahead of us and we were so excited for this new chapter in our lives. I was ready! Bring it on.

My pregnancy was a breeze (for the most part). I loved being pregnant. I really did! I was THAT person that most expectant mother's hated because I had no morning sickness, no aches or pains, no weird food cravings. Nada. The only severe symptom I had was heart burn. And when I say "severe", I mean I was poppin' TUMS like it was nobody's business - right up until the day Dominic made his appearance! Insane.

All of my prenatal check-ups were good. Things were progressing well; I was healthy, baby was healthy and I was so thankful to God for His goodness! It was all smooth sailing and care-free ... until about mid-October at my second ultrasound appointment. The doctor told us that he saw a very tiny "white spot" on the baby's heart. With wide eyes I asked the doctor what that meant exactly. He told us that it could be 1 of 3 things: 1) it could be nothing at all -more of a speck from the ultrasound's unclear picture 2) calcium deposit - which is common and has a 100% chance of going away or 3) it could be an early detection of down syndrome. Remember when I told you my pregnancy was "smooth sailing and care-free"? Curve-ball.

The doctors encouraged me to get blood work done to pursue the "little white spot" on baby's heart and do some screen testing which would help narrow down the possibility of Dominic being born with down syndrome. So that is exactly what I did. "What's one more needle prick anyways?" I thought. So, I had the blood work done and told myself not to worry about it. "It's nothing I'm sure. It can't be anything. I'm fairly young; I'm pretty healthy and down-syndrome doesn't run in my family or my husband's."(At that point in time I didn't know that down-syndrome doesn't work like that, it's not a hereditary thing.) I was about 99% sure that my blood work would come back showing no signs for worry or concern. Plus, I knew God was in control of the situation ... so I didn't worry much about it.

The nurse told me that the test results can take up to a week and that if I don't hear back from them that's usually a good sign. A week's time came and went and I didn't hear back. I was in the clear! It's all good! But, just to be sure, I decided I would call my doctor's office and ask for the test results. That's when the unexpected words were spoken and time stood still for a moment ...  "Jenna, actually your blood work came back positive." My heart sank. My voice trembled and suddenly every inch of me was filled with worry and fear. The nurse reassured me in her very sweet, soft voice that this does NOT mean our baby has down syndrome... they would just like to pursue this further by sending me to a specialist for another (more extensive) ultrasound and check for other signs of down syndrome. I was told I would be given the option to have an "amniocentesis". Now, not only did I have no idea how to pronounce that word, I didn't even know what it meant. (For those that don't know, this is an even further test - involving a huge needle inserted into the stomach- in which the doctor would extract amniotic fluid from the uterus providing the doctors with genetic material for testing giving us a 100% read on if baby has down syndrome or not.) 

Needless to say, I freaked out. I mean, I REALLY freaked out. I was so scared that I didn't even feel like myself anymore. What was I supposed to do? I didn't know whether I should have the amniocentesis or not - the possible risks alone that were involved in having this procedure done were enough to scare anyone. (Including miscarriage.) I cried. A lot. I prayed for wisdom. I cried some more. I poured my heart out to my husband. I talked with my family. I talked with a couple close friends. I asked my church family for prayer and advice. Now, granted, this was all thrown into my lap within a 24-hour span. (24 hours of emotional exhaustion.) I specifically remember telling my husband, as he held me in his arms, "I'm not strong enough to handle this. How am I supposed to know what to do? How am I to make a decision? I just can't do this!"

The thing about BEING HUMAN is that we like to know stuff. Details. Dates. Times. STUFF, we like to know stuff! I think most of us can agree that we would like to know what's in our future rather than to be totally left in the dark so that we can plan, prepare or even prevent/avoid things from happening in our lives, (if its within our power.) So this is what it came down to ... did I NEED to know for sure, through amniocentesis if there was a health concern with our baby? Did I have to know so badly that I would put my child at risk of death simply because I wanted more information. For a definite answer. And all in the name of "putting my mind at ease."

Through much prayer and guidance from friends and family... I had made my decision. I could not live with myself if I had chosen to have this testing done and then lost the baby shortly after that. No, I would not do the "amnio" even if it IS what every professional and every highly educated doctor recommended I do. Would I ever consider terminating the pregnancy? Absolutely not! That question was never on the table. This is a LIFE we are talking about! I (we) will love our child all the same, with or without a disability. God is STILL in control of this situation. "With God all things are possible." So we pressed on even though we didn't know for sure what our future would look like. We have supportive, loving friends and family surrounding us and my husband and I were committed to trusting that, even in these uncertain circumstances, we would rely on God's strength to see us through this one. What is faith if you never get to use it anyways?

We prayed for Dominic's health. We prayed that no matter what the outcome... we would still praise the Lord! Because God is STILL good even in the hard stuff. (Amen?!)

I was considered a "high risk pregnancy" from then on out. I had monthly ultrasounds for "extra monitoring" to make sure that Dominic was growing as he should be/looking for any signs of birth defects. And let me tell you, every ultrasound report was the same. "Everything looks good so far. Remember there is no guarantee here, we don't have any solid answers but everything SEEMS to be looking great." I didn't mind going to these frequent ultrasound appointments because I got to see my baby boy! Most Moms get a total of maybe 3 ultrasounds throughout their whole pregnancy, but in my case I got triple that! I still smile when I think about it. Before every appointment I would pray. I would also bring the four pages of encouraging Bible verses that my mom hand-wrote for me so that I could be filled with confidence in the promises of God rather than being driven by fear and worry of the unknown. (Mom, thanks again, you are truly the best Mom a daughter could ever hope for. YOUR faith made MY faith a stronger one and I love you for it.)

Let's fast forward a bit now. Let's skip over all the check-ups, stress-tests and special monitoring that happened during my pregnancy because at the end of the day, no matter what the doctors told me, (even though everything still appeared to be just fine with baby) I had peace. The kind of peace that the Bible talks about: "a peace that surpasses all understanding". Peace that God is in control, knows what's best for us and that all I needed to do was to trust Him. Like REALLY trust Him with my whole heart. Everyone that met with me for these appointments and/or looked through my file was astounded at how "cool, calm and collective" I was. Most Moms (especially first-time Moms) wanting solid answers would be freaking out on everyone. So I used this as a platform to speak of my faith and trust in Christ. God was using this situation to glorify Himself and now, looking back, I am so thankful that He did that. Using an ordinary woman (such as myself) turning the weak into the strong and confident.

February 20th, 2015 at 12:18am we got to meet our precious son and hold him in our arms for the very first time. 7 lbs. 3 oz. - perfectly happy, perfectly healthy and perfectly ours. Knocking our socks off since the moment we laid eyes on him. God is good! No. God is MORE than good. GOD IS GREAT!

This ones for for all the "Mommys-to-be" out there. For all the first-time Moms who get hit in the gut with the words "there might be a health risk with your baby". I've been there. I "get it". It sucks. It really, truly does. But I have grown tremendously from this whole experience and can now sympathize with those who have gone through or are going through the very same thing. *Aha, moment.* "I see what ya did there, God. I understand now. Well played."

It is far better to put your trust and faith in THE Great Physician, (the Author of life itself) rather than any physician here -on earth- no matter how many letters are after their name. Doctors know lot's of things, but they don't know everything. Don't let educated guesses and/or medical tests, studies or statistics ever trample your confidence in what the Lord can do. God's plan is always far greater than ours. Whether everything turns out A.O.K. or things turn out less than A.O.K... God is still sovereign. 

We will never know if the "little white spot" on Dominic's heart was anything or not. And if it was really a concern, did the Lord heal him of it while still in the womb? Or was it all just a test? God's way of saying "Game time, Jenna. Do you trust Me? I mean do you REALLY trust me? Remember there is nothing that is out of my control."

 I don't have all the answers. But I do know one thing. We serve an awesome God! And it is HIM I have to thank for my handsome, healthy, happy boy.